Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize