you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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