i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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