I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
