Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize