Redeem this text for a blowjob
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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