I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
