if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
