I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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