so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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