Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
