there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
