I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
