I heard we made out
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
