you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
