just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
