She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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