it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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