I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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