so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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