like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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