yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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