What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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