I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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