I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's shark week go big or go home
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
