mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
