Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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