honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
