Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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