i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
