im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
