Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
