this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
