Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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