Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
