butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
