I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize