No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
