remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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