Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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