need another drink. this is the easiest way
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
