I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
and you fell through a lawn chair
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
