I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
