Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
