I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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