Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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