But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
