Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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