I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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