Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
