dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
