So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
