this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
