I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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