put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
