my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm at about main and main street
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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