Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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