Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
