my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
