you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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